I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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