we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
