good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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