Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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