Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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