How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
