who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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