remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
