hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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