Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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