you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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