She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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