I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They have beer where we have blood.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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