Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
