Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
