She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My first STD was from a foam party
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
should my penis look like a turkey
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
