At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
