If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
