Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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