why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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