I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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