sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
