Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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