we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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