So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
