you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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