At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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