Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
