nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Screwed.edu
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
