He is an equal opportunity slut.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
