So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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