I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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