Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
