you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
