If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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