On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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