I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
