i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
