I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
