I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
