I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
