the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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