She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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