After last night, I could never be a politician.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
