Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize