I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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