I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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