Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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