at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
