Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
