I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
