I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Two words: blizzard sex
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
