Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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