Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
